I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize