I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
