WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
