i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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