You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
