Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize