dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
