Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
