$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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