When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize