clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
