Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize