I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
