Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
His nipple licking is glorious
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