I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
