moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
