fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
