I heard we made out
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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