Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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