But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's never too late to be topless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
