Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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