i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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