After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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