"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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