roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
