i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
