If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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