fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
