we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even my vagina gasped.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
