Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize