I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
