I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
