my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
