he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
