i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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