So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We don't watch enough power rangers
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
