I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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