Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
