I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
