Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
