I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
