More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
