Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize