chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
