At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
