I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
