Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
