Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
