he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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