Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
