im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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