i need an iv and a liver transplant
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
