Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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