I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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