I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
