She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well you can't waste a boner
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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