My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
