haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
