My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
