Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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