That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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