We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
